Training Day

Dr. Lopez rushed me out of bed and told me that we were leaving in 20 mins to go to 2 rehab clinics today that were very religious, he handed me a bible and told me to dress up-today we are christian missionaries...perfect. I laughed at him while I watched him paint a crucifix on his book with white-out, over breakfast.
Black beans and eggs again, although his Aunt- Tia Marta kept piling things on my plate, yogurt, 3 slices of toast with jelly, fruit (the most incredibly sweet papaya y pina I've tasted in forever) all the while yelling at Dr. Lopez in spanish for not accommodating me. When she went into the kitchen he said "I tink Tia Marta will de first patient to treat with de ibo" "Wow, really? Why?" I said, "jYes, because she iz fecking crasy!"
She sat with me while I ate and asked me with wide eyed excitement about my ibo experience. I'm in love with her dog "Lady" that follows her every step. She's the most beautiful cocker spaniel with long golden and blond curls that drape around her. I'm in love. Aunt Marta thinks my enthusiasm for Lady is hysterical, "Look at ojos when I say about de bath, she hate de bath..Laaady BANO BANO!" Lady's eyes almost bulge out of her little head, and we crack up. Now literally every single time I see Tia Marta she says "Laaady BANO BANO!" and laughs.

We picked up his friend Myner who was our in at the clinics-"Nueva Luz" New Light, they're owned by the same people but in different zones (Guat city is divided into Zonas, which are basically different burroughs). We walked into Nueva Luz in Zona 5 bibles in tow. Myner spoke to the head of the ward to give him the speil that we are Christian missionary doctors visiting rehab clinics around Guat to speak to the patients. While we waited to be admitted Dr.Lopez looked at me and said "I be your shadow and you know what I am carrying." referring to his gun.
Holy shit. It looked like a makeshift jail for war prisoners. The walls were crumbling apart with black filth that reached waist high, no ceiling, but pictures of Jesus and the 12 steps nailed all over the walls. There was a very small jail cell in the corner that 2 young men were reaching out of to get a look at us-This is the cage that Louise (at the "5 star" rehab house) was talking about. MUCH to my surprise the warden had arranged all 25 patients before us and 2 chairs at the front for us. I was to give my interview to the audience...christ be with me. As I looked out at them I was surprised by how many young faces there were, it seemed like a quarter of the patients were under 17. As soon as I came in I noticed the younger boys whispering, nudging and giggling to each other..
The doc went on for a long while about his history with addiction, his final sobriety and his current field of work, then introduced me for the interview. Before I got a word in 4 hands arose. The doc translated for one man's question; He wanted to know what Dr. Fitzsimmons history with addiction was and my over all opinion on addicted people. I told him although I personally hadn't dealt with it, my family had and explained, my opinion of addicted people is that it is a physical disease therefore the people should be treated with the same compassion and medical treatment as any other med. condition. As soon as I finsihed 3 more arms shot up. A very old man said that my answer made everyone very confused because this wk they had another religious speaker come in and explain to them that the reason for their substance abuse and suffering was due to past sins that they must pay for, and that their desire to drink is demons inside of them, now what we are saying makes them wonder if they should believe religion or the science we brought ....oh merciful christ. They actually believe this, even the teenagers, it broke my heart.
We had several more questions, including one of the boys that was giggling when I came in, couldn't have been more than 14, thanking me profusely for taking time out to visit them, he couldn't believe that a dr. from the U.S. could make time for them and was wondering if he could have my phone number..I'm sure his friend dared him. Another told me it meant so much to see that there are dr.s that care about addicts and are taking time to develop something to help them. Afterward they huddled around us asking for medical advise. There is absolutely no medical care in Nueva Luz, so they took this opportunity with the dr.s very seriously. People showed us very severe psoriasis (which is aggravated by alcohol intake), fractured bones, rolled up their clothes and pointed to the places they felt pain while Dr. Lopez tried to advise them all. Then they hugged me and thanked me profusely. All I knew how to say was "Mucho gusto" which I just repeated over and over. One of the very old men hugged me and said "VIVA OBAMA!!" all I knew to say back was "SI!!!" as I held my heart. Dr. Lopez took me over to shake hands with the 2 young boys hanging over the bars of the tiny cell, I smiled at them and they just stared at me blankly. Even if I could speak their language I have no idea what I would have told them, but I felt I needed should say something.
I took out my camera to take a quick pic and once they saw it every single one of the teenage boys lined up and fought to take an individual picture with me. They offered us a meal but the doc refused for me and whispered "I tell you later what they serve"
We drove to the next clinic in silence, Myner and the doc wanted my opinion but I was so torn up by seeing the childlike excitement of the teenagers in that hell hole, some of them behind bars with the only thing to eat cow lungs and spleen...every day...which was the meal they offered us. With all of this in mind, these clinics are the middle of the spectrum of options as an addict, they are paying for this, it's affordable, but they are still paying. Doc told me we have yet to see the worst and even then people would die to be admitted into even the worst clinics.
Nueva Luz in zona 4 was the next stop. The clinic looked like a big abandoned garage, complete was a broke down car in the corner that had stray cats chasing each other around it.The chairs were arranged like a church, with us on a platform in the front, the 12 steps painted behind us like the ten commandments and a picture of Jesus leading a defeated-looking man out of a bar. 17 patients, all older men. When I looked out my first thought was that if I was stifled by the heat in the air, I cant imagine how dreadful it must be to go through withdrawals here, when you're already constantly sweating and shaking. The interview here was much more difficult. They were'nt as charmed by the fact that I was from the U.S, they wanted legitimate answers from a doctor. One by one they told their heart-rending stories and always at the end something close to "I've tried everything, what can I do when I leave rehab on monday, I cant afford medication and I cant afford to stay here because my family needs me to work, what is your advice Dr. Fitzsimmons?" There are only so many times that I could answer them "Build a sober network with each other when you leave, rely on friends that are going through the same, attend AA meetings, trust that you are in control". I almost gave up, I was so overwhelmed because who the fuck was I sitting up here as a doctor, when I have no idea the pain they have had to live through in this country as an addict, who am I to try to give them the same bullshit advice they've heard before. Finally I would just say what do you think Dr. Lopez?
It's so hard for me to grasp. I feel like the people that run these institutions should be incarcerated for this treatment but the reality is, as the doc explained when we left, the Guat Gov. made a law in 1950 that no addicts or intoxicated people were allowed to stay or be treated in a hospital, at all. therefore the options that I saw today are a dream compared to being on the street. As one of the patients said after he told his story "If it were'nt for clinics like this, an affordable way to get help, I and thousands of others would be dead."
That evening doc told me a little about our first ibo patient an 18 yr old named Josh. Doc been his physician since he was born but all thorugh his teens Josh has been using coke, crack, alcohol and inhalents (which is most common among Guat teens, becuase it's so cheap) pretty much whatever he can get his hands on he abuses. Josh has been to the rehab houses many times (his father has money, as far as Guat standards go) and has had no luck. He's been talking to Josh's father for years about ibogaine and promised him that Josh would be the first patient.
Tonight we took his father to see the Ibogaine treatment house, it was my first time as well. The doc's intentions were to show me all of the options for addicts in Guatemala, from the best to the worst (although I have yet to visit the worst) that way when I work in the ibo house I'll be able to understand where people are comming from and where we stand among the options.
I was blown away.
Now not to sound like a snob but this house was not perfect by Guatemalan standards, it was perfect by my privledged standards. I honestly did not expect this much before I got here. I was in Sayulita, Mexico before and after they were able to get their treatment house, I know how difficult and time consuming it can be to start an independant buisness. I thought we would be borrowing space in a hospital or using his house for treatments until we could get it off the ground. But this house is a dream. The dr. invested so much into it, its vastly nicer than his own home.
The 1st fl has plenty of room for a kitchen, dining room, 2 offices, a patio and meeting/waiting room for incomming patients or their families. The 2nd fl. has a family room, 3 bedrooms for patitents to have their treatments done in, equipped with cameras aimed at the beds so we dont have to interrupt their process by opening the door and checking on them. Such a small thing that makes SUCH a big difference. The 3rd fl. has a bedroom, bathroom and patio upstairs for staff, removed from the patients so we dont have to whisper and tip toe around while they're being treated. While he was giving us the tour I was imagining everything I've wanted to do for so long play out in each room.
My homework keeps piling up, I have; the Alcoholics Anonymous blue book, the history of zen (in spanish) and 3 med. journals on brain function. Off to work.