1. Lady-Mi Amor2. Martine with Lady
3&4.The park
So I finally got a little time off, spent Sunday relaxing. Sunday actually was a pretty strange day. I'm starting to see the method to the doc's madness. On Saturday night we looked up at the moon and he told me that he believes it sends out electromagnetic fields of energy when it is aligned a certain way, which affects our moods and actions. Due to the crescent that night, the cycles over the next 2 days will illicit strange moods or behavior.
Now I can be pretty far out, but when he told me he really believed that I just smiled and nodded, thinking it was psycho-induced, if you believe the moon will make you feel strange than you will regardless. Whether or not that is true, Sunday was strange.
I was feeling very Agoraphobic all day, maybe I was frustrated that I couldn't speak to anyone without the doc or just a touch of culture shock, whatever it was I couldn't leave the house all day. I slept about 12 hours, even though the following days I was well rested. The doc was gone before I woke and came home late in the afternoon. I was in the very small garden in front of the house taking in the sun. He came over to me and asked me to come in his office to speak about something privately. This is extremely odd. He is the kind of person that would tell a room full of strangers what time he took a shit that day, so I thought I must have done something wrong.
His office is the archetype of a Dr/psychologist's office; certificates lining the walls, a framed portrait of Freud, big comfortable leather chairs, a plastic brain model on a stand, little magnetic puzzles and games, Tibetan nick knacks.
He closed the door behind him and said, "I be jyour first patient Dr. Fitzsimmons" and laughed half heartily. He plopped into the "patient" chair, the comfy one. I sat motionless in the rigid "Dr." chair just watching him. He held his head and told me about his day. He was being pushed to fire either Santos or his 17 yr. old brother Martine, who also lives with us (they help at home and with his other joint business, which is a little food vending thing) I don't remember the exact reasons, something with money, nothing that Santos or Martine did. The Dr's parents, grandparents and little brother are all dead, he only has his aunt. He's always talks about how much loyalty means to him-building a team or a family of trustworthy people. He began to talk about how accustomed he is to being alone after his brother died, how he doesn't feel alone anymore-he is alone. That's why when he finds trustworthy, loyal workers he considers them family. He doesn't want to fire either of them, but is in an economic bind. They come from severe poverty and have never betrayed his trust. As the words came out tears ran down his face. I didn't know what to do-I did nothing. Seeing a 42 yr. old man openly and shamelessly cry is not something I come across everyday, in fact I don't think I ever have. I just listened, frozen. When he was done he said, "I'm glad jyou saw dis and hope jyou can do the same in front of me, jwhen you need to."
That's when I realized the fundamental different between our cultures-when he said that I nodded my head at the same time thinking-there's no way in hell I would. I/we see crying as something I physically could not squeeze out in front of a stranger, acquaintance or even a friend, unless maybe I was drunk. While he sees it as an opportunity to open himself to and gain the trust of a friend. It really was beautiful to see someone so open, but it was painfully uncomfortable because it reminded me of how far away from that I am.
Then he lit a match and said "Look to dis flame, it is every world-born ting, every relationship, parent, child, p-p-p-how you say like your dog, like lady?" "Pet?" I answered. "jYes! Jyes..jyour Pet, jyour best friend-see how suddenly de flame burn out? Just like every world-born ting it will all one day leave, at any time." the flame died as soon as he finished speaking, as if he timed and rehearsed it.
We had dinner soon after with Tia Marta, Santos and Martine (who still avoid my eye contact and attempts at "buenas dias!"). Black beans and rice with tortillas. They spoke in Spanish, while I focused and tried to keep up (no such luck). Once we finished Marta and the boys got busy clearing the dishes, as they left I said "gracias, buenas noches" and for the first time in almost a wk Santos and Martine smiled, blurted out "Buen noche" and they hurried out. Once they were clear, the doc laughed and said "Why do jyou tink they have not gave jyou answer until now?" I shrugged "They know I cant speak Spanish and don't want to hear me try?" he laughed again "no they have embarrass, I talked to them today, told them they must speaks with jyou" He went on to explain that they think of me as Princess Diana, because I'm from the states, and they're ashamed to share the house with me and be around me because they grew up so poor. Since he told them I was coming a month ago Santos asked him every other day "When is la gringa coming?" dreadfully, and he would say "relax, relax she will live like one of us, that's why she iz coming, anyway iz not for a few more wheeks" Then onceI arrived and he saw how they lowered their gaze and muted themselves when I came into a room, he spoke to them and told them to take princess Di off the pedestal and treat me like one of them.
"This makes SO much sense, I've been wondering!" I said, he laughed and said "jYou see? Dis iz what we learned about in my slides" referring to the slides about how the brain filters a situation and misperceives it because of their own psychological issues. "they don speak with jyou becauz they think too high of jyou and jyou tink iz because you Spanish is no good enough for them."
Then he told me (one of many) Zen/Aesop fable-like stories and promised this one would be short. Called the house of 102 dogs. A dog walks into an unknown house and sees 100 dogs looking back at him, wagging their tails, panting and smiling. The dog was delighted and walked out thinking "what a wonderful place, I know clubs for humans exist, finally a club for dogs, this is great!" Later another dog walks into the house and sees 100 dogs looking back at him, he's caught by surprise and the hair on his back begins to rise in defence. The many dogs begin to lower their tails and raise their lips to a growl. The one dog sends out a warning bark to keep their distance. Then the 100 dogs bark and howl back at him, the sound is deafening. Terrified the dog runs out for his life thinking "What an awful place, I will never go near this house again" in front of the house there is a sign that reads "The house of 100 mirrors"
I said "Oooh, you see what you are" He smiled and said "Good, Dr.Fitzsimmons" (my version of the story of course is without his long character by character description and extended dialogue)
After dinner we watched Midnight Express (I also have a mile long list of movies I'm assigned) which is pretty old, I think late 70s but an incredibly powerful movie. I still have some of the images in my head. After the movie it was (to no surprise) lesson time. We talked for a long time about the theory of "micro-rage", how many small irritations over a long period of time can change a person and allow them to commit acts that no one would ever expect from them, for instance a man or woman killing their spouse when everyone around them thought they were happily married.
That lead into his theory of neurological relationship dependence/toxic relationship addiction and the way that the brain reacts to it. I haven't fully grasped it but it's something like; when people fall in love the brain associates their smells and voice (all the sensory aspects) to the rush of endorphins that the brain receives when that person is around. In nearly the exact same way that the brain becomes psychologically addicted to drugs it can become addicted to a person. The brain associates that drug to the first euphoric rush of endorphins it received the first time it got high/drunk and is forever trying to get that feeling back-similar to a toxic relationship. No matter how bad things have gotten all you remember and try to recapture is the first happy months/weeks of the relationship. And when you finally call things off, the brain suffers withdrawals in a similar way it does when withdrawaling from drugs-when it is dependant on those endorphins and goes without them it suffers, and knows that if only it could have one hit of the substance or in this case one phone call from that person, it would end its suffering-and there in lies the cycle of psychological addiction.
hmm...maybe there is something to that.
Now I can be pretty far out, but when he told me he really believed that I just smiled and nodded, thinking it was psycho-induced, if you believe the moon will make you feel strange than you will regardless. Whether or not that is true, Sunday was strange.
I was feeling very Agoraphobic all day, maybe I was frustrated that I couldn't speak to anyone without the doc or just a touch of culture shock, whatever it was I couldn't leave the house all day. I slept about 12 hours, even though the following days I was well rested. The doc was gone before I woke and came home late in the afternoon. I was in the very small garden in front of the house taking in the sun. He came over to me and asked me to come in his office to speak about something privately. This is extremely odd. He is the kind of person that would tell a room full of strangers what time he took a shit that day, so I thought I must have done something wrong.
His office is the archetype of a Dr/psychologist's office; certificates lining the walls, a framed portrait of Freud, big comfortable leather chairs, a plastic brain model on a stand, little magnetic puzzles and games, Tibetan nick knacks.
He closed the door behind him and said, "I be jyour first patient Dr. Fitzsimmons" and laughed half heartily. He plopped into the "patient" chair, the comfy one. I sat motionless in the rigid "Dr." chair just watching him. He held his head and told me about his day. He was being pushed to fire either Santos or his 17 yr. old brother Martine, who also lives with us (they help at home and with his other joint business, which is a little food vending thing) I don't remember the exact reasons, something with money, nothing that Santos or Martine did. The Dr's parents, grandparents and little brother are all dead, he only has his aunt. He's always talks about how much loyalty means to him-building a team or a family of trustworthy people. He began to talk about how accustomed he is to being alone after his brother died, how he doesn't feel alone anymore-he is alone. That's why when he finds trustworthy, loyal workers he considers them family. He doesn't want to fire either of them, but is in an economic bind. They come from severe poverty and have never betrayed his trust. As the words came out tears ran down his face. I didn't know what to do-I did nothing. Seeing a 42 yr. old man openly and shamelessly cry is not something I come across everyday, in fact I don't think I ever have. I just listened, frozen. When he was done he said, "I'm glad jyou saw dis and hope jyou can do the same in front of me, jwhen you need to."
That's when I realized the fundamental different between our cultures-when he said that I nodded my head at the same time thinking-there's no way in hell I would. I/we see crying as something I physically could not squeeze out in front of a stranger, acquaintance or even a friend, unless maybe I was drunk. While he sees it as an opportunity to open himself to and gain the trust of a friend. It really was beautiful to see someone so open, but it was painfully uncomfortable because it reminded me of how far away from that I am.
Then he lit a match and said "Look to dis flame, it is every world-born ting, every relationship, parent, child, p-p-p-how you say like your dog, like lady?" "Pet?" I answered. "jYes! Jyes..jyour Pet, jyour best friend-see how suddenly de flame burn out? Just like every world-born ting it will all one day leave, at any time." the flame died as soon as he finished speaking, as if he timed and rehearsed it.
We had dinner soon after with Tia Marta, Santos and Martine (who still avoid my eye contact and attempts at "buenas dias!"). Black beans and rice with tortillas. They spoke in Spanish, while I focused and tried to keep up (no such luck). Once we finished Marta and the boys got busy clearing the dishes, as they left I said "gracias, buenas noches" and for the first time in almost a wk Santos and Martine smiled, blurted out "Buen noche" and they hurried out. Once they were clear, the doc laughed and said "Why do jyou tink they have not gave jyou answer until now?" I shrugged "They know I cant speak Spanish and don't want to hear me try?" he laughed again "no they have embarrass, I talked to them today, told them they must speaks with jyou" He went on to explain that they think of me as Princess Diana, because I'm from the states, and they're ashamed to share the house with me and be around me because they grew up so poor. Since he told them I was coming a month ago Santos asked him every other day "When is la gringa coming?" dreadfully, and he would say "relax, relax she will live like one of us, that's why she iz coming, anyway iz not for a few more wheeks" Then onceI arrived and he saw how they lowered their gaze and muted themselves when I came into a room, he spoke to them and told them to take princess Di off the pedestal and treat me like one of them.
"This makes SO much sense, I've been wondering!" I said, he laughed and said "jYou see? Dis iz what we learned about in my slides" referring to the slides about how the brain filters a situation and misperceives it because of their own psychological issues. "they don speak with jyou becauz they think too high of jyou and jyou tink iz because you Spanish is no good enough for them."
Then he told me (one of many) Zen/Aesop fable-like stories and promised this one would be short. Called the house of 102 dogs. A dog walks into an unknown house and sees 100 dogs looking back at him, wagging their tails, panting and smiling. The dog was delighted and walked out thinking "what a wonderful place, I know clubs for humans exist, finally a club for dogs, this is great!" Later another dog walks into the house and sees 100 dogs looking back at him, he's caught by surprise and the hair on his back begins to rise in defence. The many dogs begin to lower their tails and raise their lips to a growl. The one dog sends out a warning bark to keep their distance. Then the 100 dogs bark and howl back at him, the sound is deafening. Terrified the dog runs out for his life thinking "What an awful place, I will never go near this house again" in front of the house there is a sign that reads "The house of 100 mirrors"
I said "Oooh, you see what you are" He smiled and said "Good, Dr.Fitzsimmons" (my version of the story of course is without his long character by character description and extended dialogue)
After dinner we watched Midnight Express (I also have a mile long list of movies I'm assigned) which is pretty old, I think late 70s but an incredibly powerful movie. I still have some of the images in my head. After the movie it was (to no surprise) lesson time. We talked for a long time about the theory of "micro-rage", how many small irritations over a long period of time can change a person and allow them to commit acts that no one would ever expect from them, for instance a man or woman killing their spouse when everyone around them thought they were happily married.
That lead into his theory of neurological relationship dependence/toxic relationship addiction and the way that the brain reacts to it. I haven't fully grasped it but it's something like; when people fall in love the brain associates their smells and voice (all the sensory aspects) to the rush of endorphins that the brain receives when that person is around. In nearly the exact same way that the brain becomes psychologically addicted to drugs it can become addicted to a person. The brain associates that drug to the first euphoric rush of endorphins it received the first time it got high/drunk and is forever trying to get that feeling back-similar to a toxic relationship. No matter how bad things have gotten all you remember and try to recapture is the first happy months/weeks of the relationship. And when you finally call things off, the brain suffers withdrawals in a similar way it does when withdrawaling from drugs-when it is dependant on those endorphins and goes without them it suffers, and knows that if only it could have one hit of the substance or in this case one phone call from that person, it would end its suffering-and there in lies the cycle of psychological addiction.
hmm...maybe there is something to that.
1 comment:
maybe there is something to that....
are there any songs you can relate to this theory?
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